Rewards and Tests
My new job as Youth Pastor has thrust me into the once despised role of heart-break consultant. The pain and confusion are tough to walk through with someone, but there are a few things that make it worse.

1.) They'll likely say how wrong the old quote, "'tis better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved." I hate that situation. I personally agree with statement, of course when someone is in the depths of the lost part of it, they don't want to debate it. Essentially what they're doing is minimizing the pain of others, ie. those who have never loved, namely me.

2.) I'll be in a situation where I'll feel the pressure to reassure them based on their qualities that they'll find someone else, no problem, but as a pastor, it's my job to talk about God's divine plan in this. In various conversations with other people, when my displeasure of my perpetual bachelorhood is discussed, people often say something like, "Will, you're a great guy, God has someone amazing in store for you." I hate hearing that, so I hate saying it. I think it's crap! God doesn't reward me for being a nice guy, for being a caring and sensitive friend to males and females alike (I'm not bragging, I'm speaking hypothetically), that kind of lifestyle is it's own reward. I'm not a reward for some girl out there who's lived a good life, just like a guy with a shadier past isn't a punishment for some girl who's made questionable choices.

I'll be honest, being single at my age, when a lot of my friends are marrying, and my own plans of having kids is running short on time, is no bowl of cherries, but I don't need to look too far to find people struggling way worse than me, and maybe we have this whole incentive system upside down. In many third world cultures, they see tests and trials coming from God only to the strong, whereas the weak are the ones with easy lives. Maybe it's all a test, maybe my "reward" for sticking through it, is to stick through it longer, where others couldn't.

I don't want to come off as some suffering saint, a tragic victim of God's divine chess match. I fail these tests too. In frustration, in boredom, and in selfishness, my actions very often indicated a failed attempt. I am content. I strive to get better, even though there isn't always visible incentive. Living my own life, and advising others, are two different things. While not everyone will see things my way, I cannot give advice that I don't believe.

   [ posted by William @ 1:44 AM ]