Fringe Focus
Our mailbox was full to overflowing when we got back from our honeymoon. Among the bills and junk mail were two periodicals, which I have only now had a chance to read. I receive The Mennonite on a semi-monthly basis. It's the conference newsletter of Mennonite Church USA, and enough of it crosses over into Canadian and international issues, that it's worthwhile for me to read it. The most recent issue has two articles in it about reaching out to fringe groups. Sometimes churches can be accused of neglecting fringe groups despite good intentions, but the fringe groups mentioned this time are often ignored or themselves blamed for their disenfranchisement.

The first article was written by a young adult who had been asked to suggest ways that churches could more actively engage young adults. The second article (they were printed back to back) was written by a single ordained minister about how to make churches single-friendly. I still consider myself a young adult, and not too long ago I was a single as well (long ago enough). I can easily identify with these groups feeling left out.

The first writer didn't offer up any easy solutions, and did suggest some valid sociological points to ponder. Essentially her point was that young adults want to be respected as intelligent adults while still being given the freedom to just be crazy kids. It seems to me that in most churches, the most frightening thing about waning young adult attendance is that it is a sure indicator of failure. If young adults don't go to church, people often think that the church didn't do a good enough job of showing them the truth, and that the family didn't do a good enough job of keeping them in line. It's easier to blame society or just the waywardness of youth than it is to accept your own mistakes. Maybe dragging a kid to church isn't going to produce a willingness in adulthood. Maybe the "grow up and get in line" mentality in institutional Christianity doesn't work period, let alone with young adults.

I was different somehow. I went to church willingly as a child, attended youth functions willingly as a teenager, and I attended church willingly every week as a young adult away from home. Part of the reason I was encouraged to go into (youth) ministry is because of this attitude. Should I and others like me to made to "bottle up" what we have and reproduce it in others? I don't think that's fair to me or to the people I work with. Looking back now, I don't understand a lot of things about my youth. Why did I go to church more willingly than my siblings? Why did I keep going to youth functions even though the popular kids had way more fun? Why do some of those people and institutions that were so formative to me then look less credible now? Nature or nurture? Was I "pre-destined" to be this way or was it a process of formative people and events? A lot of young adults don't want to have anything to do with church, and when they find out what it takes to keep them, many churches don't care all that much about young adults. Both are hoping for the unlikely. Churches wait for the YA's to get married and settle down into a church, and young adults wait for the church to catch the postmodern drift. The exceptions happen at the individual level, and my advice goes to the individual level.
To churches: talk to your young adults. See what they want. See if they want to be involved in some way. Listen to what they are thinking and allow them to ask questions.
To young adults: take ownership of meaningful aspects of your life. Don't wait for a church to form itself around your worldview and musical interests. Make yourself comfortable where you are by refusing to allow the larger body to ignore you.

I won't go on about the single issue, I'll just post a few of the recommendations. The writer suggests that individual members need to change how they address singles in the lobbies and foyers of churches before and after the service. That, more than anything else, impacts how single adults feel in church community settings.
Many of the recommendations include the suggestion that we not urge them to date and/or marry as soon as possible. Sad but true that these things need to be said.
1. Encourage friendships between genders and assume first that it's just a friendship.
2. If two singles from church sit together, don't assume they're dating.
4. Be encouraging to them about other interests besides dating.
16. Don't play matchmaker without asking.
Some other helpful points/suggestions:
5. Singles get tired of coming to church functions alone, so sometimes they just stay home.
14. Recognize that single women are not trying to steal the married men.
20. Review your ministries, special events, announcements and sermon illustrations. - No need to worry there, I don't have enough married life illustrations to use and Ana doesn't want me to talk about her from the pulpit anyway.

I have many memories of sitting alone or by default with a single girl, and both of us acknowledging the rumours being spread. Good thing for us we weren't phased by it, much.

   [ posted by William @ 4:28 PM ]