The following is an article I wrote, and it was published in the November 27th issue of the Canadian Mennonite.
Persistence through faith
Some of my greatest lessons in faith have come from working as the music coordinator in a nursing home, where I lead a choir and visit individual residents and play music for them. One of those lessons is to persist in faith despite fear and doubt.
I have seen that music can be a healing tool that should not be underestimated. I believe music is inspired by God and, through music and my faith in God, people can be reached, touched, comforted, inspired and have memories evoked. Being given such a wonderful tool, I learned to keep on despite inhibitions.
When I first started, I was extremely overwhelmed and intimidated. Part of my job was to get to know each resident by name…eventually. Not only that, but I was to initiate conversation or interaction, which generally consists of small talk, which I am not particularly good at or fond of.
But I truly believe that this job was a calling for me, an opportunity to utilize the gifts God gave me, and to make a difference in the lives of these residents. That belief alone got me through the early stages of fear—dreading going on the floor, procrastinating outside someone’s door, taking as long as I could at menial tasks like photocopying, because that was easier and less nerve-wracking than making myself vulnerable to someone who may not even want to talk to me.
To add to this fear, at the beginning there were residents who physically or vocally expressed their disinterest for my company or music.
One resident would quickly cover her face with the book she was reading whenever I would come in her room. This behaviour, I was told, was not unusual. I am certainly not one who wants to make anyone uncomfortable, so I would often just leave her alone. But something told me to not give up on her. By continually popping into her room, and inviting her to hear my music, she eventually grew to be comfortable around me, and even attended a choir practice. Since then, when she sees me she asks if I’m playing music, and she will sometimes follow me around from room to room. Sometimes she dances to the music!
Another resident came to the home very disoriented, uncomfortable and unsure of himself. He often complained of pains, and was very hard to talk to. He started attending choir, but I eventually had to meet with him privately because he complained a lot in choir and disrupted the other members. But as the weeks went by I saw drastic changes in him. He became more relaxed, walked more confidently, always had a smile on, and he even told jokes every chance he got. He now attends choir regularly, and even distributes choir folders for me—on his own initiative. That reminded me that it is never too late to change, and just how powerful persistence can be.
A third resident was so far along in dementia, nurses actually laughed at me when they saw that I was trying to communicate with her. My first few visits were fruitless, as she was in her own world, having conversations with people in her mind. At first, I dreaded visiting her because it felt so useless. However, after just a few visits of singing oldies to her, she started singing along, every note matching mine. When I’d applaud after each song, she’d thank me and say it sounded nice. I can’t say for sure if it made a difference to her, but through music and endurance I found a way to connect with her, even if only for a short while.
I can’t express enough how difficult this job was when I started, and how energizing, uplifting and rewarding it is now. Despite my personal doubts about my abilities and gifts, I trusted that God put me there for a reason, and that got me through all those awkward silences, misunderstandings and rejections.
From these experiences, I will remember that God prepares us for the road we walk on, but we must persist in faith despite any forks in the road.
—Ana Loewen
The author is currently working as music coordinator at PeopleCare long-term care residence and is church organist at Trinity Lutheran Church in Tavistock, Ont. She and her husband are preparing to put on a musical that they wrote together.